I keep having weird dreams about a boy.

To be more accurate, my ex’s close friend who I started hanging out with shortly before he went to jail. I’m not sure why. The day before he went to jail, knowing that it was his last day of freedom for a while (the cops were looking for him and there is no point in running…best to just get it over with), we had decided to have an adventure. We got fucked up, fucked around, sang lion king, walked the streets like we owned Dallas, and didn’t give one fuck about anything in particular. We naturally, both being fire signs I suppose, have great chemistry. The air between us emits electricity and adventure. I really started to dig it. Like, really. 

Then what happened? Well, besides being super fun to be around, it turns out that this particular boy is also kind of brilliant. I knew he was smart before but the day he got arrested, while we were sitting waiting for the cops, we had a very nice conversation about love/sex, religion/beliefs, and all sorts of other things. I hadn’t had a conversation like that in quite a while. He let me read this beautiful letter he wrote to his old lover who is now in prison, and it made me cry. I fell in love with his brain. I haven’t known him, I mean really know him, for all that long…but I think I miss him.

Anyways the dream I had was nice. I happened to be chilling at his mother’s house one day, it was a sunny beautiful day, and he unexpectedly showed up. He had gotten out early I suppose and was so casual about everything it was funny. “Hello momma,” he said. He looked at me and smiled, said, “Hello Asia.” And that was that. It was a strange dream but nice.

And that is that.

I need an outlet to write, but writing another letter to you just seems excessive

(I’m not sure what this blog is to me anymore
But as of lately I’ve been feeling the need to write
And it’s just sitting here, doing nothing, kind of a lot like myself
So here we go)

Life is becoming more and more peculiarly clear everyday
The things that people care about aren’t actual cares,
They’re just things to pass the time 
Kind of like children or ukuleles or cars
This seems to be a general truth,
But I hope and do not hope at the same time that I’m wrong

Either way it is what it is,
And that’s the important lesson I’ve learned recently
It is what it is
Nothing more and nothing less, just that exact thing
And all we can do is accept it,
Whatever “it” is

Fully accepting things as they are is supposed to set us free,
Liberate us,
Break us away from our chains
Whether those chains be worry, fear, or hope
It is a simply beautiful concept, to be free

We’re all free,
Every single fucking one of us
The funny part is, I suppose
Is that half of us don’t even know it 

I hope and at the same time do not hope that we all come around the corner,
Make that u-turn,
You know
Wake the fuck up,
And run with it. 

It is what it is though. And there’s nothing more or less that I can say about it.

I kind of hate it when people use “curvy” as a synonym for “fat”. I think they’re two different things if I’m not mistaken.

Daily Intake 4-18-12

Goal: 1000-1200 (or somewhere around those numbers)

Coffee w/creamer: 40 cal.

Apple: 60 cal.

Egg/Provolone Cheese/Tomatoe/onion sammich: 230 cal.

7 cinnamon glazed almonds: 80 cal.

1 Banana w/ 1 tbs. Peanut Butter: 195 cal.

About 1 serving baby carrots: 40

3/4 cup Uncle Sam’s Cereal w/1 c. soy milk and 2 tsp. sugar: 320

Total: 965 cal.

Today has been good!